Flying On Tattered Wings
I am sure some of you of heard of the title before. Yes it is a poem I had written and yes it is a chapter in my new book. That is not why I called this one by that title. It is because well right now it is appropriate to me. It fit somehow. We had this circle of special friends that I am sure you all heard of. Yes sometimes I can blast it to hell and back. It is number one in my life of important things. I have tried a million and one times to make people aware of cancer and how it can come like the devil out of the rain, make it a full blown storm. How once afflicted the bastard has you dance with him for your soul. You dance till your exhausted. Till your brow is dripping sweat. Till feet are numb and your heart now aches. You dance to the point of exhaustion and try not to be defeated. You fall and get up and gasp for another breath. You slip , your drenched, your cold . Your body shivers and your soul is crying for a light. A light at the end of this dance. At times it doesn’t matter if its God’s light to the heavens above. A light to the end of the tunnel to your rainbow. You just need a light, some light to your path, one to end this turmoil you are in. We all have danced I and my friends. We all at one time had our rainbows handed over and delivered with the kisses of angels in tow. One by one the rainbows started to fade away. Back into the night of the storm. The devil in the shadows of the trees. How we know him well. We can feel him in our wake. Then it was time for the song to end. The music slowly faded and he had gotten another one. Only to return time and time again.
There was a small group of us. The originals I call us. One by one the music faded and the song died. The spirit was taken by the man in the shadows all dressed in black. As he walked away tipped his hat to those of us who remained. Reminding us he would be back another day to stop our music from playing. He now has returned as I type this. He returned to pick off the last of us. Only three now. We each stand side by side, hand in hand, just a nod and a smile. No words will be spoken now. We all know the music has ended and for two will never play again. This is my way of recognizing them and the love I have for them. I did not want to write this. I want to wake up from this night mere and have it end. However, I hear the devil outside, standing by the trees. I hear him there as the wind rustles through my tears. I feel him in my soul for my body is now tense and cold. I pray to God please also let me go. I do not want to be the last one standing here. I do not want to be left behind. It is not a honor to be the one left still dancing with the devil. It is more of a curse right now. It is a curse and a burden I have to carry with me and endure.
I remember times of love we have shared. I remember the days of pain and wanting it to end. I remember how we all laughed and played like little children at the bay. I remember how we were once whole. How we had the attitude that no one could touch us. We stood united and strong. We stood hand in had. We had our hearts in tact for each other. We shared a love that could not be measured by time. We after all were bond to each other like no others. Now he is back . The bastard in black. He was able to stop the music from playing before I could even hit play on the dam stereo. He had his dancing shoes on before. Now his boots are black they glisten in the rain. He still has the same old look of mayhem and death. He knows he has won this time. I can see the smile on his face. All I can do is stand in the rain and try not falling down. I can not cry for them. We had all done that before. We had all said good-bye. “We each had our wishes to make and made them. Fulfillment time at hand.
We know each others wishes and desires before the end. It may sound twisted to some but so is living day by day. Just waiting for the notice your music has been taken off the player and the cd melted down. Some wishes are unrealistic. We all have them sick or not we all have them. Ours we make realistic. However, due to time and circumstances and that old thing called faith and destiny they may not be met. For that I am sorry. For I too have mine. If I die tomorrow I know not all of mine would be met. For the circumstances at hand would prevent it. I sure the hell can dam well try to come close to their wishes. May not be exact but close. I shall try my best to deliver. Yes I strongly wish in a way I would go with so I am not left behind. I do not want to be the last one. Yes guys I am holding back the tears of so long ago. Did you expect anything less from your baby girl. Doesn’t mean I’m doing it willing you know. If I had my way I would so fall apart. Unfortunately I can not. You made me the angel for you and yours for all we inducted into our group. I never ever wanted that title you know. I accepted it but still do not want it. I do what I do because I do it. I do it with a prayer in hand, a dance in my step, hope in my heart and love in my soul. I do it because for some reason my destiny has been written this way. The heavens above seem to have their reasoning as to why. They gave me the gift of writing to reach others. So this I use because it was meant to be. They gave me the gift of compassion to show towards the fallen children for this I gladly except and use. They gave me the gift of tolerance to be kind to man in his stupid hours or moments. This I try to use. They gave me the gift of love. Sometimes the gift ends in my heart breaking in two and my tears flowing of blood down my cheeks. I do not know why this is to be other than it was deemed for me to have. The strongest gift I have received is strength and determination. For those that know me well, I am determined to get my point made and known. If I should fail I dust myself off and back again I go.
This is my final gift to you guys. When I ever I need you I promise to just whisper your name for the winds to carry and you will be here. I will promise to always remember and hold you in my heart and soul. I promise to deliver those last wishes the best I can. For some are not able to be delivered. Does not mean I am deliberately not doing it. Just means time and circumstances prevent it to be. For in the end I am the one now standing and have to live with my decisions I make.
In my last words to you and for old time sakes guys take this with you
“I will be dancing in the rain with the devil till he can no longer dance”
This is my good-bye with blood tears now down my cheeks. This is my final way of saying that fatal word that will not be uttered from my lips but from my heart and soul the only way I know how to do it well. The way you always expected me too.
I give you my love, light and peace. I give you part of my heart and soul to carry on with you. I give you my last kiss and hug. I give you my promise to out dance him for me. I promise to teach others to dance and try not losing any more souls to the bastard in the rain dressed in black. Till we met again guys you always will have my love and respect. I love you.
To the devil all I can say baby is “Lets go dancing in the rain through your storm. I know where the rainbow is and I will come to it. I am not done kicking your ass yet. I have only began. I have enough heels to keep me going, enough songs to play and one pissed off Cherokee attitude in tow. So “lets rock this disease and find a cure “
Xxoxo
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/specialcircleoffriends/
There was a small group of us. The originals I call us. One by one the music faded and the song died. The spirit was taken by the man in the shadows all dressed in black. As he walked away tipped his hat to those of us who remained. Reminding us he would be back another day to stop our music from playing. He now has returned as I type this. He returned to pick off the last of us. Only three now. We each stand side by side, hand in hand, just a nod and a smile. No words will be spoken now. We all know the music has ended and for two will never play again. This is my way of recognizing them and the love I have for them. I did not want to write this. I want to wake up from this night mere and have it end. However, I hear the devil outside, standing by the trees. I hear him there as the wind rustles through my tears. I feel him in my soul for my body is now tense and cold. I pray to God please also let me go. I do not want to be the last one standing here. I do not want to be left behind. It is not a honor to be the one left still dancing with the devil. It is more of a curse right now. It is a curse and a burden I have to carry with me and endure.
I remember times of love we have shared. I remember the days of pain and wanting it to end. I remember how we all laughed and played like little children at the bay. I remember how we were once whole. How we had the attitude that no one could touch us. We stood united and strong. We stood hand in had. We had our hearts in tact for each other. We shared a love that could not be measured by time. We after all were bond to each other like no others. Now he is back . The bastard in black. He was able to stop the music from playing before I could even hit play on the dam stereo. He had his dancing shoes on before. Now his boots are black they glisten in the rain. He still has the same old look of mayhem and death. He knows he has won this time. I can see the smile on his face. All I can do is stand in the rain and try not falling down. I can not cry for them. We had all done that before. We had all said good-bye. “We each had our wishes to make and made them. Fulfillment time at hand.
We know each others wishes and desires before the end. It may sound twisted to some but so is living day by day. Just waiting for the notice your music has been taken off the player and the cd melted down. Some wishes are unrealistic. We all have them sick or not we all have them. Ours we make realistic. However, due to time and circumstances and that old thing called faith and destiny they may not be met. For that I am sorry. For I too have mine. If I die tomorrow I know not all of mine would be met. For the circumstances at hand would prevent it. I sure the hell can dam well try to come close to their wishes. May not be exact but close. I shall try my best to deliver. Yes I strongly wish in a way I would go with so I am not left behind. I do not want to be the last one. Yes guys I am holding back the tears of so long ago. Did you expect anything less from your baby girl. Doesn’t mean I’m doing it willing you know. If I had my way I would so fall apart. Unfortunately I can not. You made me the angel for you and yours for all we inducted into our group. I never ever wanted that title you know. I accepted it but still do not want it. I do what I do because I do it. I do it with a prayer in hand, a dance in my step, hope in my heart and love in my soul. I do it because for some reason my destiny has been written this way. The heavens above seem to have their reasoning as to why. They gave me the gift of writing to reach others. So this I use because it was meant to be. They gave me the gift of compassion to show towards the fallen children for this I gladly except and use. They gave me the gift of tolerance to be kind to man in his stupid hours or moments. This I try to use. They gave me the gift of love. Sometimes the gift ends in my heart breaking in two and my tears flowing of blood down my cheeks. I do not know why this is to be other than it was deemed for me to have. The strongest gift I have received is strength and determination. For those that know me well, I am determined to get my point made and known. If I should fail I dust myself off and back again I go.
This is my final gift to you guys. When I ever I need you I promise to just whisper your name for the winds to carry and you will be here. I will promise to always remember and hold you in my heart and soul. I promise to deliver those last wishes the best I can. For some are not able to be delivered. Does not mean I am deliberately not doing it. Just means time and circumstances prevent it to be. For in the end I am the one now standing and have to live with my decisions I make.
In my last words to you and for old time sakes guys take this with you
“I will be dancing in the rain with the devil till he can no longer dance”
This is my good-bye with blood tears now down my cheeks. This is my final way of saying that fatal word that will not be uttered from my lips but from my heart and soul the only way I know how to do it well. The way you always expected me too.
I give you my love, light and peace. I give you part of my heart and soul to carry on with you. I give you my last kiss and hug. I give you my promise to out dance him for me. I promise to teach others to dance and try not losing any more souls to the bastard in the rain dressed in black. Till we met again guys you always will have my love and respect. I love you.
To the devil all I can say baby is “Lets go dancing in the rain through your storm. I know where the rainbow is and I will come to it. I am not done kicking your ass yet. I have only began. I have enough heels to keep me going, enough songs to play and one pissed off Cherokee attitude in tow. So “lets rock this disease and find a cure “
Xxoxo
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/specialcircleoffriends/
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